We are perpetually suppressing our feelings – not only unpleasant ones but even the happy and blissful ones. The methods of suppression are subtle and many, and are deeply ingrained. We have become accustomed to denial and postponement of feelings, to temporary consolation, and to escape. Feelings, both bad and good, are perpetually swept under the rug.
It takes conscious, dedicated effort to deprogram harmful patterns and become emotionally healthy. The method is straightforward: instead of resisting or avoiding feelings, deliberately allow them. This does not necessarily mean that you must act on your feelings. Rather, the idea is to become consciously aware of what you are feeling, in a receptive way. Whether or not to act on feelings is not the point of this method, the point is to give them awareness.
Work with an emotion you are acutely experiencing. Sit silently, with your eyes closed. Sense the emotion in your mind and body, removing all opposition in yourself to it. Opposition, counterintuitively, closes the pathway for the release of emotions. Instead, allow and accept the emotion in order to unblock it. When this is done right, you will distinctly feel a sense of release and relief as the emotion is allowed to disperse. It is as if you would open a window to ventilate a room, in order to allow stale and putrid air to flow out and fresh air to come in.
As an example, if you feel fear, first find out precisely what the fear is about. Secondly, accept that the object of your fear truly is fearful, and so your fear is perfectly valid, the appropriate and natural response to the situation. If you have a hard time with this, try accepting this just hypothetically, or temporarily, as an experiment.
Stay with the feeling, face it courageously, don’t try to escape from it. Don’t condemn the feeling; rather, allow it fully. As you sit in silence, consider that no one can blame you or judge you for what you feel; there is no shame, guilt, or embarrassment to be had, nor any fear of consequence. Anyone else in your position would feel exactly the same way.
The external object or reason has triggered the emotion – it doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to the object, as a natural reaction to the stimulus. You did not choose the emotion, it is not your fault for feeling it since it doesn’t belong to you in the first place.
Emotions are subjective, and thereby valid for you by definition, regardless of what anyone else might have to say about it.
With this kind of perspective, assure yourself that your feeling is fully justified, perfectly acceptable and allowable. Trust the feeling and allow it to penetrate your heart. Surrender to it, be vulnerable and naked, drop all defense. Such a state of being, where you are in absolute acceptance of yourself, as you are, is truly a state of meditation.
It does not matter if a feeling seems “irrational” or “wrong” or “immature”. These are external judgments that cloud and confound your perception. The feeling came first, instinctively, and then as a reaction to it, came the thoughts, the reasoning, the suppression, the judgment of whether it is valid or not, what to do about it. Drop all these extraneous layers of evaluation – just allow the original feeling to be there. Be honest and authentic to yourself about it, then you will see that the original is beautiful, as it is.
When the method is implemented properly, the effect will be instantaneous. The feeling will transform, with a cathartic sense of release, into a clear, calm, and blissful stillness.