We are perpetually suppressing our feelings – not only unpleasant ones but even the happy and blissful ones. The methods of suppression are subtle and many, and are deeply ingrained. We have become accustomed to denial and postponement of feelings, to temporary consolation, and to escape. Feelings, both bad and good, are perpetually swept under the rug.
It takes conscious, dedicated effort to deprogram harmful patterns and become emotionally healthy. The method is straightforward: instead of resisting or avoiding feelings, deliberately allow and accept them. This does not necessarily mean that you must act on your feelings. Rather, the idea is to become consciously aware of what you are feeling, in a receptive way. Whether or not to act on feelings is not the point of this method, the point is to not suppress them.
Work with an emotion you are acutely experiencing. Sit silently, with your eyes closed. Sense the emotion in your mind and body, and remove all opposition in yourself to it. Don’t condemn the feeling, don’t fight it or deny it or escape from it. Opposition, counterintuitively, closes the pathway for the release of emotions. Instead, allow and accept the feeling in order to unblock it. When this is done right, you will distinctly feel a sense of release and relief as the emotion disperses.
As an example, if you are afraid or anxious about something, first identify precisely what the fear is about, whether it is a specific or general reason. Secondly, acknowledge that the object of your fear truly is fearful, and so your fear is perfectly valid and justified; it is the appropriate and natural response to the situation, perfectly acceptable. You are allowed to be afraid, you don’t need anyone’s permission for it. No one can blame you or judge you for being afraid of the thing that you are fearing. Anyone else in your position would feel exactly the same way, so it is not something wrong in you that is causing it. There is no guilt or shame or embarrassment to be had. It is not weak or feminine, but human to feel.
Be one with the emotion, not separate from it. It is a quality of you, not something separate from you. You are the emotion, and the emotion is you. Trust the feeling and allow it to penetrate your heart. Surrender to it, be vulnerable and naked, drop all defense. Such a state of being, where you are in absolute acceptance of yourself, as you are, is truly a state of meditation.
When you are happy, be happy, when sad, be sad, when angry, be angry. Whatever the case, a meditative person is authentic and honest, and does not pretend to be something they are not. A meditative person drops all masks and all shoulds and should-nots, and accepts oneself in this moment, unconditionally, exactly as they are.
It does not matter if a feeling seems “irrational” or “wrong” or “immature”. These are external judgments that cloud and confound your perception. The feeling came first, instinctively, and then as a reaction to it, came the thoughts, the reasoning, the suppression, the judgment of whether it is valid or not, what to do about it. Drop all these extraneous layers of evaluation – just be in the original feeling. The original is beautiful, as it is.
When the method is implemented properly, the effect will be instantaneous. The feeling will transform, with a cathartic sense of release, into a clear, calm, and blissful stillness.