We are perpetually suppressing our feelings – not only unpleasant ones but even the happy and blissful ones. The methods of suppression are subtle and many, and are deeply ingrained. We have become accustomed to denial and postponement of feelings, to temporary consolation, and to escape. Feelings, both bad and good, are perpetually swept under the rug.
It takes conscious, dedicated effort to undo destructive patterns in the mind and become emotionally healthy. The method is straightforward: instead of resisting or avoiding feelings, deliberately allow and accept them. This does not necessarily mean that you must act on your feelings. Rather, the idea is to become consciously aware of what you are feeling, in a receptive way. In fact, most of the time, we act on emotions only in order to suppress them and escape from them, rather than to release them.
Work with an emotion you are acutely experiencing. Sit silently, with your eyes closed. Inquire within yourself and identify the emotion honestly and precisely, describing it to yourself in words. This is the first step – if you wrongly identify the emotion, or are in denial about it, then the method cannot work.
The second step is to sense the emotion in your mind and body, and remove all opposition in yourself to it. Don’t condemn the feeling, don’t fight it or deny it or escape from it. Opposition, counterintuitively, closes the pathway for the release of emotions. Instead, allow and accept the feeling in order to unblock it. When this is done right, you will distinctly feel a sense of release and relief as the emotion disperses.
As an example, if you are anxious about something, first confirm inwardly that it is actually anxiety, and not something else, by describing it to yourself in words. The verbal description should include the context surrounding the emotion – for example, “XYZ will happen and so I am anxious”, or “I feel anxious because unknown bad things will happen”. Secondly, acknowledge that the object of your fear truly is fearful, and so your fear is perfectly valid and justified; it is the appropriate and natural response to the situation, perfectly acceptable. You are allowed to be anxious, you don’t need anyone’s permission for it. No one can blame you or judge you for being anxious. Anyone else in your position would feel exactly the same way, so it is not that there is something wrong with you. There is no guilt or shame or embarrassment to be had. It is not weak or feminine, but simply human to feel what you are feeling.
Be one with the emotion, not separate from it. It is a quality of you, not something separate from you. You can only be against something which is not you, but you are the emotion, and the emotion is you, so there is no question of being opposed to it. Trust the feeling and allow it to penetrate your heart. Surrender to it, be vulnerable and naked, drop all defense. Extend an unconditional love towards it. Such a state of being, where you are in absolute acceptance of yourself, as you are, is truly a state of meditation.
When you are happy, be happy, when sad, be sad, when angry, be angry. Whatever the case, a meditative person is authentic and honest, and does not pretend to be something they are not. A meditative person drops all masks and all shoulds and should-nots, and accepts oneself in this moment, unconditionally, exactly as they are.
It does not matter if a feeling seems “irrational” or “wrong” or “immature”. These are external judgments that cloud and confound your perception. The feeling came first, instinctively, and then as a reaction to it, came the thoughts, the reasoning, the suppression, the judgment of whether it is valid or not, what to do about it. Drop all these extraneous layers of evaluation – just be in the original feeling. The original is beautiful, as it is.
Finally, remember that this is a meditation method – it has to be implemented. Even if you agree with the premise of the method, but you don’t actually do it, you will get nothing from the method. It is similar to, for example, reading about how to ride a bicycle versus actually getting on the bike and trying to pedal. Unless and until you actually do it, you cannot get it. It takes some courage, some trial and error, but once you get it, the benefit is instant. Similarly, when this method is implemented properly, the effect is instantaneous, concrete, and tangible. The feeling transforms, with a cathartic sense of release, into a clear, calm, and blissful stillness.